Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

[OC] The Best MLS Player from Each Country That's Fielded One: Part 1 (UEFA)

Throughout its first 25 years, Major League Soccer has seen players from all different corners of the globe, each with their own career story. Whether it be a guy like Tim Melia or Chris Wondolowski who were scrappy guys that came out of nowhere to be stars in this league, or world famous names such as Zlatan, Beckham, and Henry, the league's history of big names is as diverse as they come.
Let's take a look at the best player from each country around the globe. This will be based on national team allegiance. Today, we'll be leading with Europe!
Please note that this is my opinion, and in some cases the decisions were tough; I'll be sure to add in honorable mentions where I can, or add notes.
Albania: Shkëlzen Gashi ( COL 2016-18)
Short list to pick from here, as Gashi's only competition is Jahmir Hyka and Hamdi Salihi. Gashi gets the nod, if nothing else, for his huge 2016 season, where he scored 10 regular season goals (one of which was that year's Goal of the Year) as the Rapids damn near won the Shield. The madlad then went and one-upped that with his absurd equalizer in the playoffs against the Galaxy.
His last two years weren't as fruitful, but man, when he was on he could pull something out of nowhere.
Armenia: Yura Movsisyan ( KC 2006-07, RSL 2007-09 & 2016-18, CHI 2018)
Four choices here, although in the end it's Movsisyan winning out over Harut Karapetyan, who played a couple seasons in the 90s for the Galaxy, San Jose, and Tampa Bay. The fourth pick in a strong 2006 MLS SuperDraft out of Pasadena City College, Movsisyan is mostly associated with RSL, who acquired him in a 2007 trade. With the Claret and Cobalt, he would tally 15 goals in 53 regular season appearances, and in 2009 he'd hoist the club's first MLS Cup. That'd be his last game with RSL until 2016 after some time in Europe with Randers, Krasnodar, and Spartak Moscow (even sharing the Russian PL Golden Boot in 2012/13 with Wanderson). He'd put up a similar clip of 16 in 57 before being waived and finishing his MLS career with four scoreless games with Chicago.
Austria: Daniel Royer ( NYRB 2016-pres.)
The choice here was largely Royer vs. Andreas Ivanschitz, who was a regular starter for Seattle's first MLS Cup, but I can't say no to a man with over 100 MLS matches played and three straight 10-goal seasons. In all comps, the former Austria Vienna man is just two goals behind Thierry Henry for third on the Red Bulls' all time goal scoring list.
Belarus: Sasha Gotsmanov ( COL 2005)
Gotsmanov qualifies by default as the only Belarusian player in MLS history. The Minsk native (and son of former Soviet and Belarusian international Sergei Gotsmanov) played one (1) single game for Colorado in October 2005, against RSL.
Belgium: Laurent Ciman ( MTL 2015-17, LAFC 2018, TFC 2019-pres.)
Shouts to Roland Lamah, who had his moments in Dallas, and Jelle van Damme, who played a season and a half for the Galaxy, but Ciman is the obvious choice. While he's fallen off a cliff as he's gotten older, he's a three-time All-Star and won Defender of the Year in his first MLS season; in his second, he played for Belgium at Euro 2016. At 35, he's lost a step and probably should only be used in emergencies, but at his best he was an elite MLS center back that could also be deployed at right back.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Haris Medunjanin ( PHI 2017-19, CIN 2020-pres.)
The first one where I'm not totally confident in my pick, as Baggio Hušidić made this tricky (and as a Union fan I'm afraid of bias). But at his best, Haris is an assist machine (30 in four MLS seasons so far), and a threat on set pieces; the madlad even scored an Olimpico this year. His left foot is probably the best the Union have ever had. While his commitment to defense was nonexistent, give him the ball and he could spray a pass anywhere.
Bulgaria: Hristo Stoichkov ( CHI 2000-02, DC 2003)
One of three former Ballon d'Or winners to play in MLS (the others being Lothar Matthaus and Kaka, although "playing" is generous for the former), Stoichkov spent the last four seasons of his career in MLS, scoring 22 goals in 72 regular season matches for Chicago and DC. In his first season, a 9 goal in 18 match outing for the Fire, he also won the US Open Cup, scoring the opening goal of the final, a 2-1 win over Miami. (The winning goal, by the way, was scored by our old friend Owen Goal.)
Croatia: Damir Kreilach ( RSL 2018-pres.)
Mr. Miyagi's favorite MLS player for his crane kick equalizer in the playoffs, the former Rijeka and Union Berlin man has proven to be an excellent utility piece and core part of RSL throughout his time there, scoring 26 goals and chipping in 14 assists in 86 regular season matches and playing all over the damn place (naturally a central midfielder, he's probably still RSL's best forward). At 31, he still has a lot to give.
MLS has seen a huge influx of Croats lately, though; before Kreilach's 2018 signing there had only been four Croatian players in MLS history, two of whom barely played. Currently, there are five on active rosters.
Czechia: Luboš Kubík ( CHI 1998-2001, DAL 2001)
Czech players have had a good hit rate in MLS. In his lone MLS season, Bořek Dočkal led the league in assists, and Zdeněk Ondrášek was a very solid piece for Dallas, albeit one whose MLS time was brief.
But no. We have to go with Kubik. The sweeper was Best XI twice, in 1998 and 1999, and won Defender of the Year in 1998 helping Chicago to a MLS Cup-Open Cup double. He'd win another Open Cup two years later, before being traded to Dallas in 2001 and retiring due to injury.
So many lethal counterattacks started on the foot of this man, and he is rightfully seen as one of the greatest defenders the league has ever seen.
Denmark: Jimmy Nielsen ( KC 2010-13)
I debated going WAYYYYYYY off the board here and throwing out Miklos Molnar. His time in MLS was brief, just the 2000 season before he retired, but the man was the best attacking piece on a Cup winner. He could have balled out if he didn't retire early.
But nah. We're going with Casino Jimmy, one of the keys towards Kansas City's early 2010s turnaround. A two time All-Star, Nielsen was Goalkeeper of the Year in 2012, a year that also saw him win the Open Cup with the Wiz (on penalties, because KC and penalties, name a more iconic duo at this point). In 2013, he capped off his career by winning MLS Cup, again on penalties, while playing with broken ribs.
England: Bradley Wright-Phillips ( 2013-2019, LAFC 2020)
This league, man.
The list of English players to have represented in MLS is a long one, full of iconic names. Ashley Cole. David Beckham. Frank Lampard. Steven Gerrard. Jermain Defoe. Wayne Rooney. Hell, even Bradley's brother Shaun.
But nope. Many of those guys are the butt of many MLS jokes. BWP, on the other hand, is one of the greatest goal scorers the league has ever seen, with two Golden Boots to his name and well over a century of league goals. He was a part of 3 Shield winning teams, and made CONCACAF's Best XI in 2018.
And it all started with a quiet trial in 2013 after Charlton dumped him. This. League.
And This. Man. Even as a fan of Philly who doesn't care much for the Red Bulls, I respect this dude and everything he's done. I hope he gets another year after winning Comeback Player of the Year this year.
Estonia: Joel Lindpere ( NYRB 2010-12, CHI 2013)
The only other option here was Erik Sorga, who could dethrone Lindpere as he came to MLS at a very young age. But it's unlikely, as Lindpere was quietly very solid for the Red Bulls during his time. The Tallinn native was a two-time All-Star, and in 2010 he was named the Red Bulls' team MVP.
Finland: Alex Ring ( NYC 2017-2020, AUS pres.)
T O P I C A L
There's a few fairly talented Finns in MLS right now that could make this interesting (I really like Robin Lod's game, and Lassi Lappelainen would be excellent for Montreal if he'd stop getting hurt). Ring however has proven his worth across 4 seasons, including time as NYC's captain. Over 10,000 MLS minutes, mostly for good teams, as a defensive anchor, he will be a fantastic tone-setter for the new Austin team.
France: Thierry Henry ( NYRB 2010-14)
Oh man, as an Ireland fan I wanted to give this to literally anyone else. I am still bitter, dammit.
His best competition is probably Aurelien Collin, who has a closetful of trophies (including a Best XI and MLS Cup MVP). But no...it's Henry.
When a big name comes to MLS, what people want to see is someone who treats the league with respect. Henry did that. Not only was he dominant on the pitch, a three-time Best XI nomination, he also respected the history of the club he played for and gave 100%, even though he was getting up there in the years. He's a Red Bulls and MLS legend...as much as I curse that godforsaken hand
Georgia: Valeri "Vako" Qazaishvili ( SJ 2017-20)
It looks like the San Jose chapter of Vako's career is done and dusted. While the former Vitesse man struggled for consistency, he did put up 26 goals and 13 assists across four MLS seasons for the Quakes, including 10 while being coached by Mikael Stahre, which should probably get him and Wondo some sort of award.
We'll see what's next for him, if he leaves MLS or goes back to Europe. His only competition was Quakes teammate Guram Kashia.
Germany: Bastian Schweinsteiger ( CHI 2017-19)
I'm...actually not sure about this one. I actually changed this while writing, as I very nearly chose Julian Gressel; the former Rookie of the Year has two 10-assist seasons under his belt, and Kai Wagner has also been one of the league's better fullbacks for Philadelphia; Schweinsteiger was solid enough for Chicago in his advanced age for some very frustrating teams (and even moved positions to center back!)...but man, I don't know.
Germany is weird. For a country with such a great footballing tradition, the pickings are fairly slim. Arne Friedrich had one good year for Chicago before injuries claimed his career. Lottar Matthaus was as committed to this league as Schalke are to winning football matches. Stefan Aigner was stifled by Anthony Hudson going galaxy brain. Torsten Frings...existed.
I dunno.
Greece: Alexandros Tabakis ( ATL 2017)
The only Greek in MLS history...and our second one game wonder. Atlanta's FOURTH string keeper in 2017, he managed to sneak into a game against Minnesota with Brad Guzan on international duty, Alec Kann injured, and Kyle Reynish sent off during the match.
Atlanta lost 3-2. He's now in USL.
Hungary: Nemanja Nikolić ( CHI 2017-19)
Dániel Sallói and Krisztián Németh had their moments, but the winner is Nikolić, who came to MLS from the Ekstraklasa and immediately won the Golden Boot. His totals diminished in the three seasons he spent with Chicago, but 51 goals in 96 appearances isn't too shabby at all - it's second in Fire history behind Ante Razov.
Iceland - Guðmundur Þórarinsson ( NYC 2020-pres.)
Not much choice, 3 guys, all of whom were mostly bench guys. I almost went with Kristinn Steindorsson here on the merits of "he didn't have a penalty saved by Rodrigo Schlegel."
Israel: Gadi Kinda ( SKC 2020-pres.)
It was either him or Dedi Ben Dayan, really. And I nearly went with the former Colorado left back, but nah, Kinda is very much the superior player. The midfielder born in Ethiopia, Kinda shone brightly in his first season in KC, with 6 goals and 4 assists in his debut season. He'll be a DP next season.
Italy: Sebastian Giovinco ( TOR 2015-18)
A signing that changed an entire club.
Before Giovinco, the Reds were a laughingstock. He came in, won a Golden Boot and MVP right away, led the league in assists, made Best XI three years in a row, led them to their first playoff game, their first MLS Cup final, their first MLS Cup win, and a historic treble. And they damn near won CCL too.
The Atomic Ant was must-see from Day 1. It's not just because of him that Toronto is now one of MLS's elite...but he was a huge part of changing that culture. 83 goals in 142 games in all comps. And he dished out his fair share of assists too, with a telepathic partnership with Jozy.
Latvia: Raivis Hščanovičs ( TOR 2010)
Not much to write about here. 14 games for a bad Reds team. Gets in by default with no other Latvian MLS players.
Liechtenstein: Nicholas Hasler ( TOR 2017-18, CHI 2018-19, SKC 2019)
Another one by default. 66 games as a utilityman. Won MLS Cup and the Shield, though.
Lithuania: Vytautas Andriuškevičius ( POR 2016-18, DC 2018)
Only other choice was Edgaras Jankauskas, a forward who played 14 games for the Revs. Vytas played 37 for Portland and zero for DC.
Luxembourg: Maxime Chanot ( NYC 2016-pres.)
Another one by default but this one's an actually really solid player that finished fourth in Defender of the Year voting in 2019. We take those.
Malta: Etienne Barbera ( VAN 2012)
2 games in 2012. Only Maltese player in MLS.
Montenegro: Branko Bošković ( DC 2010-12)
Pretty much every other Montenegrin player played less than 20 games in MLS. Bošković played 43 before returning to Europe for family reasons. 7 assists in his final season though, which is technically something.
Netherlands: Johan Kappelhof ( CHI 2016-pres.)
Much like Germany, bright footballing tradition, very shaky MLS history. Which is weird because the Eredivisie exports a lot of guys to MLS.
Also, I'm excluding Kelvin Leerdam, as he is probably changing his international allegiance to Suriname.
So I'm going with 2017 All-Star Kappelhof, who I think is still fairly solid.
But really the choices aren't great. Dave van den Burgh? Roland Alberg scored a hat trick once I guess? Danny Koevermans was decent but injured all the time?
Maybe it's a hot take. It probably is.
North Macedonia: Oka Nikolov ( PHI 2013)
Never actually played, only in a friendly. Watch this space though as North Macedonia is apparently courting LAFC's Danny Musovski.
Northern Ireland: Johnny Steele ( RSL 2012, NYRB 2013-14)
Another case of shaky opposition, it was either Steele or Steve Morrow, who played 41 games for Dallas in the aughts.
Steele played regularly for a Shield winner, the 2013 Red Bulls. Easy peasy.
Norway: ~~Vadim Demidov~~ Ola Kamara ( CLB 2016-17, LAG 2018, DC 2019-pres.)
Adama Diomande is the main competition here. Kamara's first stint in MLS was a smashing success, scoring 48 goals in 90 regular season matches for Columbus and the Galaxy (he was traded for Gyasi Zardes before 2018). A brief foray to China followed, and while he's back in MLS with DC he hasn't quite been the same.
Still a good player on his day, maybe just the Bennyball effect.
Poland: Piotr Nowak ( CHI 1998-2002)
When I think of early Chicago, Nowak and the earlier-mentioned Kubik are the first two names that come to mind. Kubik held down the back while Nowak was the chief creator in the midfield. Three-time best XI, three-time All-Star, and MLS Cup MVP.
...can I drink my water now?
Portugal: José Gonçalves ( NE 2013-16)
Gonçalves fell off a cliff in his latter years, but in his first MLS season he won Defender of the Year and in his second he was a key part of a team that made the MLS Cup final and damn near won the thing.
Runner up here is Nani who is probably closing in.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention Pedro Santos, thanks to the Crew fans who pointed that one out. I still think Gonçalves pips him for his 2013 if nothing else, but Santos is probably closer than Nani.
Republic of Ireland: Robbie Keane ( LAG 2011-16)
A LOT closer than you think; ~~Time Person of the Century~~ ~~Juventus legend~~ Ronnie O'Brien was two-time best XI himself.
But nonono. This is Robbie freaking Keane. When we see these big name Euro guys interested in MLS, this is the man we want them to be.
Hypercompetitive and holding guys accountable on and off the pitch, and scoring for fun. 83 goals in 125 MLS regular season appearances. Best XI four times. 2014 MVP. MLS Cup MVP in 2014. A closetful of team awards including 3 MLS Cups.
This man was a baller, and frankly his departure was the beginning of the Galaxy decline into irrelevance, but that's a story for another time.
Romania: Alexandru Mitriță ( NYC 2019-pres.?)
Question mark because he's on loan and I have no idea if it'll be permanent, ~~but he was punted out by the Pigeons just as he was really starting to break out~~. He scored 12 goals in his debut season last year but filled in nicely this year while Maxi Moralez was injured. EDIT: NYC fans have informed me he wasn't punted out, but was loaned out to be closer to his pregnant wife. My apologies.
Honorable mention: Alex Zotincă, who played for the Wizards and Chivas USA in the aughts. Brave man.
Russia: Igor Simutenkov ( KC 2002-04)
Not a lot to pick from here either. 49 games, 12 goals for this forward from Moscow, who now serves as an assistant coach at Zenit.
Scotland: John Spencer ( COL, 2001-04)
Give Johnny Russell another few years and he'll pass Spencer, but for now I'm leaning the latter. Spencer as a coach was frustrating as hell, but as a player he was Best XI twice and an MVP finalist once. Dude could score goals despite battling injuries in his time in MLS.
Just don't let him sign Kris Boyd. Then you lose to Cal FC. No one wants that.
Serbia: Aleksandar Katai ( 2018-19, 2020)
FROM A SPORTING PERSPECTIVE.
And mostly due to a weak pool. Runner up was probably someone like Miloš Kocić.
18 goals in 62 games for Chicago before getting yeeted back to Serbia for Bad People Reasons
Slovakia: Albert Rusnák ( RSL 2017-pres.)
He has tenure on Ján Greguš, who's the closest competitor, but Rusnák is also good. He followed up a 14-assist debut season (4th in the league) with back to back 10 goal seasons before struggling this year with injury.
Slovenia: Robert Berić ( CHI 2020-pres.)
Once he got acclimated to MLS, the goals came, and Chicago has its successor to Nikolić up top. He finished with 12 goals in his debut season, tied for second in the league with Ruidiaz and Zardes.
Also, from what I saw early on, seems like he's a dark-arts type of guy that gets in your head. That's fun.
Spain: David Villa ( NYC 2015-18)
I really didn't want to put him here due to recent allegations, and the fact that Pozuelo has already matched his MVP and two Best XI performances....
77 goals in 117 games though, that's tough to pass on.
Sweden: Zlatan Ibrahimović ( LAG 2018-19)
It's Zlatan.
He pretty much dragged a sorry LA organization to something resembling competitiveness.
What the hell did you expect?
(Anton Tinnerholm made this hard, though)
EDIT: Forgot Gustav Svensson as well in my honorable mentions.
Switzerland: Stefan Frei ( TOR 2009-13, SEA 2014-pres.)
Pretty self-explanatory, one of the most accomplished keepers in MLS history and with a closetful of hardware. And all it took Seattle to get him was a late first round pick that pinged around so much that it was eventually traded for a coach.
Turkey: Sercan Güvenışık ( SJ 2012)
5 games that year. No one else has flown the Turkish flag in MLS.
Ukraine: Dema Kovalenko ( CHI 1999-2002, DC 2002-05, NYRB 2006-08, RSL 2008, LAG 2008-10)
I'm afraid he'd break my legs if I didn't. One of the most physical and downright dirty players the league has ever seen. Made nearly 300 appearances though, and has one each of the 3 major US trophies (MLS Cup, USOC, Shield), all with a different team.
Wales: Andy Dorman ( NE 2004-07, 2013-15)
Dorman was a key part of that real good Revs team from the mid-aughts, and just beats out Carl Robinson. He made 112 appearances in his first stint, and played in 3 MLS Cup finals, though they famously lost all three. The Revs brought him back in 2013 after some time in Scotland and England, and was playing semipro in the area as recently as 2018.

[WTS] Auction Leftovers #6

Hello again, and good morning!
This listing is for items that did not sell during the January 17 Auction, so you can buy anything you want right here and right now - no buyer's premiums, no additional fees.
*FREE shipping for any order over $100.
*All items priced at $1 are now .75 each
Each lot was individually imaged (front and back) for the auction - so the easiest way for you to see exactly what you're buying is to visit the auction link (the auction is over, so I'm not advertising anything different or advertising an upcoming auction) - so here that is:
https://www.invaluable.com/catalog/2qx7j50tq0?size=50&page=1&categories=&sort=
Here is the required "prove you still have the stuff" photo with the username card and today's date:
PHOTO
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Shipping: I will charge you what it costs me for the USPS label rounded up to the nearest dollar. For First Class that is usually $4, for USPS Priority Mail Flat Rate Small Box it will be $9. I will get you a tracking number right after payment is received and will get your package scanned into the USPS system within 24 hours of receipt of payment. I will offer "Risky Shipping" (via stamped greeting card) at my discretion for $1 - for single, small coins ONLY. NOTE: These prices are for Continental US shipping only - if you live outside the continental US, shipping will be more expensive. I am still happy to do it under the same rules as above, but just keep in mind it's going to cost more.
What do YOU need to do to buy coins from this group: send me a list of which lots you want (for example, I want to buy lots # 51, 52, 53, 54, 55) and I will send you a total. There are too many coins here (plus there are duplicates) so I cannot look up the coins you want by description - just give me lot numbers and it will be much simpler.
I'd like to make a simple and polite request - if I have sent you my PayPal information (meaning we've agreed to a deal) please finish it up as soon as you can so I can check you off the list and move on to the next person. This helps make sure you get all the coins we discussed and no one else is in limbo.
I will do my absolute best to update the ad as soon as lots sell.
LEFTOVERS:
52 China (Republic) 10 Cash $5.00
57 China (Hu-Peh Province) 10 Cash $1.00
59 Hong Kong - 1866 1 Cent NICE $8.00
61 China (Republic) 10 Cash $3.00
62 China (Kiang-Nan Province) 10 Cash NICE $20.00
63 China (Republic) 20 Cash $5.00
64 ~~1977 D Eisenhower Dollar UNC MINT CELLO $4.00~~
67 British West Africa - 1940 1/10 Penny NICE $5.00
70 France (Perpignan) 1917 A 10 Centimes $5.00
71 1976 Shelbyville Dam (Illinois) Elongated/Smashed Nickel Souvenir $3.00
76 ~~France (Orleans/Lyon/Toulouse) 10 Centimes Transportation Token (good to 31 Dec 1918) $3.00~~
77 Papua New Guinea - 2008 2 Kina UNC $2.00
78 Missouri Insurance Company (St. Louis) Good Luck Token $3.00
79 1900 India (Rama-Laksmana) Type C #1 (Brotman) Temple Token NICE $40.00
80 ~~1956 Roosevelt Dime UNC TONED $6.00~~
83 1955 General Motors "Motorama" Medal BU $15.00
86 Central States 70th Anniversary Convention Token Jerry Lebo Advertising $6.00
87 Consolidated Numismatic Advertising Token Good For $1 Edmundston, Canada $2.00
88 France (Perpignan) 1917 A 5 Centimes $5.00
91 France (Perpignan) 1921 A 25 Centimes Scalloped Edge $8.00
93 ~~Ukraine - 2003 100 Hryvnia UNC $2.00~~
94 German East Africa (Tanzania) - 1916 T 20 Heller $10.00
95 Illinois Governer Otto Kerner Inauguration Medal $2.00
96 5 Cent Trade Token NICE $3.00
98 Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) - 1923 10 Mark Notgeld UNC $10.00
99 A. Phillips Co Cambridge, Maryland 20 Cent Trade Token NICE $8.00
100 EZ Park Courtesy Token $1.00
159 Great Britain - 1949 Penny NICE $2.00
~~163~~ ~~1959 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter UNC TONED $12.00~~
165 Great Britain - 1932 1 Penny NICE $3.00
~~166~~ ~~1960 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter UNC $10.00~~
167 1960 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter UNC $10.00
169 Portugal - 1921 10 Centavos NICE $10.00
~~170~~ ~~Germany (Prussia) 1700's-1800's Jeton (Token) Wilhelm 3 "Neue Ehre Neues Gluck" $3.00~~
172 1963 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter UNC TONED $12.00
175 1964 D Washington Quarter UNC TONED $8.00
176 Canada - 1921 1 Cent NICE $4.00
~~179~~ ~~Stag Beer Wooden Nickel "Fair on the Square" $1.00~~
180 The TV Shop Slidell, LA One Wooden Buck $1.00
181 Canada - 1929 1 Cent NICE $3.00
~~185~~ ~~1962 Type B Reverse Washington Silver Quarter NICE $8.00~~
186 Canada - 1920 1 Cent NICE $4.00
~~188~~ ~~1957 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter NICE $6.00~~
192 Canada - 1945 5 Cents NICE $2.00
193 State of Missouri Sesquicentennial Medal $2.00
194 State of Missouri Sesquicentennial Medal $2.00
195 Canada - 1945 5 Cents NICER $4.00
~~196~~ ~~France - 1916 2 Centimes LOW MINTAGE $2.00~~
~~197~~ ~~Germany (Empire) 1914 J 2 Pfennig NICE $8.00~~
198 Mexico - 1946 1 Centavo NICE $1.00
~~200~~ ~~Mexico - 1924 2 Centavos BETTER DATE $6.00~~
~~259~~ ~~1954 S Washington Quarter UNC $10.00~~
260 1957 Washington Quarter UNC TONED $10.00
261 1963 Type B Reverse Washington Quarter UNC TONED $20.00
~~262~~ ~~1999 D Kennedy Half Dollar UNC from Mint Set GEM BU PROOFLIKE $3.00~~
263 1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00
~~264~~ ~~1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00~~
~~266~~ ~~1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00~~
267 1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00
269 Maybrook NY Golden Jubilee Good For 10 Cent Wooden Nickel $1.00
270 Maybrook NY 1975 Golden Jubilee 25 Cent Wooden Nickel $1.00
274 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00
~~275~~ ~~World Silver - Barbados 1973 Proof 5 Dollars LOW MINTAGE $20.00~~
276 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00
~~277~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00~~
279 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 012 UNC $2.00
280 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 012 UNC $2.00
~~281~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 012 UNC $2.00~~
~~282~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse Book Low UNC $2.00~~
~~286~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 002 UNC $2.00~~
~~287~~ ~~1983 Lincoln Cent DDO FS-101 $25.00~~
~~288~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 012 UNC $2.00~~
~~289~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 012 UNC $2.00~~
~~291~~ ~~1964 D Washington Silver Quarter UNC TONED $8.00~~
293 1960's Terre Haute, IN Sesquicentennial Wooden Nickel $2.00
295 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 002 UNC $2.00
296 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 002 UNC $2.00
298 1982 Buffalo NY Sesquicentennial Wooden Nickel $1.00
352 Denmark - 1950 5 Ore KEY DATE $10.00
354 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00
355 2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00
~~356~~ ~~2009 P Lincoln Cent "Formative Years" Doubled Die Reverse 013 UNC $2.00~~
357 1990 Rappahannock Area Coin Club Wooden Nickel $1.00
~~359~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1874 C 1 Pfennig $2.00~~
360 Old Time Wooden Nickel Co Support Our Troops Wooden Nickel $1.00
361 1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00
362 1941 S "Large S" Lincoln Wheat Cent $1.00
364 1980 D Jefferson Nickel Mint Error - Minor Curved Clip (@3:30) $3.00
365 1979 S "Type 2 - Clear S" Proof Jefferson Nickel $2.00
~~367~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1895 F 1 Pfennig $3.00~~
~~368~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1874 A 1 Pfennig $2.00~~
~~369~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1900 F 1 Pfennig $2.00~~
~~370~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1874 B 1 Pfennig $2.00~~
371 Australia - 1951 3 Pence $2.00
~~372~~ ~~Great Britain - 1861 3 Pence $3.00~~
~~373~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 J 5 Pfennig $2.00~~
375 50 Cents in Trade Token $1.00
~~376~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1874 E 2 Pfennig $2.00~~
377 Clear Lake, IA Perkins Wooden Nickel $1.00
378 50 Cents in Trade Token $1.00
379 Medallic Art Co Grand Canyon National Park 50th Anniversary Medal Bronze $3.00
380 Great Britain - 1981 25 New Pence UNC $3.00
382 Pomona National Bridge / Jackson County 200 Year Anniversary Medal $3.00
~~383~~ ~~Guyana - 1970 1 Dollar UNC $2.00~~
~~384~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 J 2 Pfennig $4.00~~
385 Illawarrra Numismatic Association Membership Discount Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
386 San Juan Quality Royale Casino Token $1 Face Value $1.00
~~387~~ ~~Canada - 1963 Prooflike 1 Cent Emerald Rainbow Toning $3.00~~
388 Artisan Silverworks Temecula, CA Wooden Nickel $1.00
389 Canada - 1966 1 Cent Emerald Toning $2.00
~~390~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 E 2 Pfennig $2.00~~
~~391~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1874 H 2 Pfennig $4.00~~
392 5 Cent Token $1.00
~~394~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1894 F 1 Pfennig $3.00~~
395 Denmark - 1904/804 1 Ore NICE $8.00
396 Netherlands Antilles - 1965 2.5 Cents UNC TONED $6.00
397 Germany (Empire) - 1874 G 1 Pfennig $10.00
398 Netherlands - 1921 1/2 Cent BETTER DATE $2.00
399 Netherlands - 1922 1/2 Cent BETTER DATE $4.00
400 Germany (Empire) - 1874 D 10 Pfennig $3.00
~~451~~ ~~Sweden - 1901 1 Ore $1.00~~
452 Norway - 1948 50 Ore Overdate 4/4 $5.00
453 Netherlands Antilles - 1959 1 Cent UNC $2.00
~~454~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1899 A 1 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~455~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1899 A 1 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~456~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1898 A 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~457~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 F 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
458 Canada - 1948 5 Cents $1.00
460 Denmark - 1951 10 Ore NICE $5.00
~~461~~ ~~Barbados - 1973 Proof 5 Cents in OGP $1.00~~
~~462~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 A 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
463 Barbados - 1973 Proof 25 Cents in OGP $1.00
~~464~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1876 D 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~465~~ ~~Hungary - 1965 2 Filler Key Date $5.00~~
~~466~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1889 A 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
467 Germany (Empire) - 1889 A 5 Pfennig $1.00
~~468~~ ~~Switzerland - 1968 5 Rappen UNC TONED $1.00~~
~~469~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 A 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~470~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1875 C 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~471~~ ~~Trinidad & Tobago - 1973 Proof 1 Cent in OGP $1.00~~
~~473~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1892 D 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
474 Germany (Empire) - 1897 A 5 Pfennig $1.00
~~475~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1890 E 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~477~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1890 D 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~478~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1894 D 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
480 Barbados - 1980 Proof 25 Cents in OGP cello $1.00
~~481~~ ~~World Silver - Switzerland 1975 1 Franc $6.00~~
~~482~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1897 D 5 Pfennig $1.00~~
~~484~~ ~~Canada (New Brunswick) - 1861 1 Cent $3.00~~
~~485~~ ~~Canada (Nova Scotia) - 1861 1/2 Cent $2.00~~
486 Austria - 1893 10 Heller $1.00
488 Netherlands East Indies - 1921 1/2 Cent NICE KEY DATE $8.00
489 Austria - 1895 10 Heller $1.00
490 Austria - 1894 20 Heller $1.00
~~492~~ ~~World Silver - Mexico - 1887 Do C 10 Centavos LOW MINTAGE $5.00~~
~~551~~ ~~South Africa - 1965 Proof 1 Cent LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00~~
~~553~~ ~~Switzerland - 1902 2 Rappen KEY DATE FIRST YEAR $8.00~~
554 Panama - 1975 Proof 1 Centesimo in OGP $5.00
557 South Africa - 1965 Proof 5 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
~~560~~ ~~South Africa - 1965 Proof 20 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00~~
561 Panama - 1975 Proof 5 Centesimos in OGP $1.00
562 Panama - 1976 Proof 5 Centesimos in OGP $2.00
563 South Africa - 1965 Proof 50 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $5.00
564 South Africa - 1966 Proof 1 Cent LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
565 South Africa - 1966 Proof 2 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
566 South Africa - 1966 Proof 5 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
567 South Africa - 1966 Proof 10 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
568 Panama - 1974 Proof 5 Centesimos in OGP cello $1.00
569 South Africa - 1966 Proof 20 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
572 Panama - 1973 Proof 1/10 Balboa in OGP $1.00
573 South Africa - 1967 Proof 1 Cent LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
574 Barbados - 1973 Proof 1 Cent $1.00
575 Panama - 1973 Proof 1/4 Balboa in OGP $1.00
576 South Africa - 1967 Proof 2 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
577 South Africa - 1967 Proof 5 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
~~578~~ ~~South Africa - 1967 Proof 10 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00~~
579 South Africa - 1967 Proof 20 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $2.00
580 South Africa - 1967 Proof 50 Cents LOW MINTAGE 25,000 $4.00
584 Liberia - 1974 Proof 10 Cents in OGP $1.00
590 Mexico - 1923 1 Centavo NICE UNC TONED $8.00
593 Mexico - 1923 5 Centavos NICE $5.00
594 Bahamas - 1970 Proof 1 Cent in OGP $1.00
595 Mexico - 1935 20 Centavos NICE $30.00
596 Token "10" Unknown origin $1.00
652 Indiana Sesquicentennial Medal 1966 $3.00
654 Alleppey Dist Treasury 286 Token $3.00
655 Creotina Remedies Belleville, IL Token $3.00
657 Mexico - 2001 1 Peso UNC in original cello $1.00
~~658~~ ~~Germany (Empire) - 1903 A 1 Pfennig $4.00~~
~~662~~ ~~Germany (Weimar) - 1924 A 1 Pfennig NICE $6.00~~
664 Malaysia - 1977 50 Sen TONED UNC $3.00
665 Franklin D Roosevelt $2 Trade Token Union Maystern $3.00
666 Great Britain - 1953 5 Shillings UNC (Crown sized) $5.00
667 Russia - 1994 50 Roubles Blind Mole Rat LOW MINTAGE UNC $3.00
672 Mint of Romania Aluminum Token UNC $3.00
673 Bahamas - 1973 and 1974 Proof 1 Cents in OGP (two coins) $1.00
675 Canada - 1939 5 Cents UNC $20.00
676 Penny Press Mint 1 Dollar Token (Morgan Dollar Inspired Design) $2.00
677 Penny Press Mint 1 Dollar Token (Morgan Dollar Inspired Design) $2.00
678 France (Paris) Montmartre Auditing Firm "Good for one audition" Token $2.00
679 Thailand - Bangkok Institute of Accounting Token $1.00
680 Swedish Shooting Medal Double Pistols Design $3.00
681 1941 Mercury Dime Pin $4.00
682 Korea (Republic) - 1968 5 Won UNC $25.00
683 Korea (Republic) - 1973 50 Won NICE $5.00
684 Russia - 1994 50 Roubles Bison NICE LOW MINTAGE $2.00
685 Coca-Cola 1974 "It's the real thing" Silver Dollar City Token $5.00
686 State Mint of Romania Octagonal Token UNC $2.00
687 Canada - 1937 Dot 5 Cents UNC $10.00
688 France - 1977 10 Francs TONED $2.00
690 Saarland - 1954 10 Franken UNC $8.00
692 Mount Vernon, VA High School Token $1.00
693 Korea (Republic) - 1967 10 Won NICE $5.00
694 Korea (Republic) - 1967 10 Won UNC $40.00
695 Princes of Jerusalem - Cahokia Council A.A.S.RITE Valley of East St Louis Token $3.00
697 Magic Mountain Valencia California Souvenir Token $2.00
698 Pearl Harbor, Hawaii Driver's Association "good for one full fare" token $1.00
700 Downtown Granite City (Illinois) Shopping Center Token $3.00
751 Canada - 1957 House of Commons Medal $3.00
753 Mr. Pizza (World's Worst Pizza) Wooden Quarter Token $1.00
754 National Pony Express Centennial Medal So Called Dollar UNC TONED $5.00
755 Pulaski Bowling Center Free Game Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
756 Four Canada 1991 UNC Cents (4 coins) in OGP CELLO $1.00
757 Four Canada 1991 UNC 5 Cents (4 coins) in OGP CELLO $1.00
758 Pair of Two Thomas Jefferson 1 Cent Postal Stamps $1.00
761 Mexico - 2000 10 Pesos UNC in original cello $6.00
764 Ye Olde Curiosity Shop Seattle 25 Cent Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
765 Mexico - 2000 20 Pesos UNC in original cello $10.00
768 Morocco - AH1320 10 Mazunas $8.00
773 Diamond Dolls Pompano Beach, FL Free Hamburger Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
774 Nadine's Backwoods Bistro One Free Tap Beer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
775 Ocean Springs Mini Golf One Free Game Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
~~777~~ ~~Poland - 2014 2 Zlotych UNC $2.00~~
778 Lansing, Michigan University Quality Inn One Free Well Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
780 San Jose, California Donut Delight One Small Drink 40 Cents Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
781 H.E.B. Hustle Chip Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
782 Two Mixed Tokens $1.00
784 South Gate, California Robby's Tepee 1 Glass Draft Beer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
785 Macadoo's One Free Sara Lee Bagle (with butter!) Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
786 Canada - 1970 1 Cent TONED $1.00
788 State Penal Institution 5 Cent Good For Token $3.00
790 Fishing Equipment & Tackle 10% Discount Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
791 District Treasury Alleppey 1860 Token Government of Kerala $2.00
792 Russia (Empire) - 1881 1 Kopek $1.00
793 Black Duck Buck Good For One Premium Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
794 Goodles, Michigan Cook's Cobblestone One Free Beer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
796 San Diego, California My Yogurt Place One Free Frozen Yogurt Sundae Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
797 Canada - 1939 Coronation Medal $2.00
798 Ellsworth, Maine Bicentennial Headquarters Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
800 Suwanee River Attractions 25 Cent Admission Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
851 Sunnyvale, California Odyssey Room 1 Free Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
852 Great Britain - Queen Victoria 60 Years of Rule Medal $3.00
854 Belgium - 1944 2 Franc NICE $1.00
855 Fredericksburg, Virginia Rappahannock Area Coin Club Wooden Nickel Token One free month $1.00
859 Monarch Automatic Co Northhampton Good For One Coupon in Trading Token $2.00
860 Netherlands - 1881 1 Cent $1.00
862 Mexico - 2000 20 Pesos UNC in original cello $10.00
863 Fredericksburg, Virginia Rappahannock Area Coin Club Wooden Nickel Token One free month $1.00
864 Tullahoma, Tennessee The Finish Line Free Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
865 Here's Johnny's 25 Cents off Purchase Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
866 $1 Good For Token Large $3.00
867 Canada - 1939 Coronation Medal $3.00
868 Boise, Idaho Miller's Sewing Center 25 Cent Needle Package Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
869 San Antonio, Texas Dan's 10861 FM "Round TUIT" Wooden Token $1.00
870 Belgium - 1836 2 Centimes $1.00
871 Vandalia, Ohio Skipper's $3 off purchase Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
872 Roseville, California Onyx Club One Free Beer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
873 Long Beach, California Fayette Cleaners Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
874 Beckett, Massachussetts 1965 Bicentennial Lee National Bank 5 Cent Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
875 Munhall, Pennsylvania 5 Cent Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
~~877~~ ~~Washington, Indiana Sesquicentennial 1966 Wooden Nickel Token $1.00~~
878 1953 Queen Elizabeth Coronation Medal $3.00
881 Fredonia, New York Coyle's Pub One Free Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
882 Monterey, California Wharfside Restaurant Complimentary Calimari Appetizer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
883 Lyman, Wyoming Cecil Sanderson Military Token & Wooden Nickel Collector "Round TUIT" Token $1.00
884 Eastlake, Colorado Karl's Farm Dairy Inc 25 Cent Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
885 Elko, Nevada Ed's Coins & Currency "Cents of Humor" Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
887 Richmond Hot Stuff Deluxe Tattoo One Free Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
888 Australia - 2014 1 Dollar 100 Years of ANZAC $1.00
889 Sacramento, California The Tides 1 Free Beer Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
890 Lancaster, Pennsylvania The Comic Store Free Comic Wooden Nickel Token RARE $1.00
891 Bennington, Vermont Bicentennial 1961 5 Cent Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
892 Torrance, California Old Towne Mall One Free Play Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
893 Duenweg, Missouri State Bank One Quart Token NICE $3.00
894 Rotary International Token $1.00
896 Canada - 1930 House of Commons Medal $3.00
897 Greenfield, Iowa Al's Shoe Service 5 Cents Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
900 France - 1944 C 2 Francs $1.00
951 France - 1944 C 2 Francs $1.00
952 Poland - 2006 2 Zlotych $3.00
953 Poland - 2003 2 Zlotych $3.00
954 Aurora, Illinois Dairy Queen Free Small Sundae Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
955 Mullan, Idaho Silver Dollar Bar 1 Free Drink Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
956 Poland - 2004 2 Zlotych $3.00
957 New Horizons Computer Learning Center Turkey Token 10 Auction Dollars Wooden $1.00
962 Lake of the Woods 40th Anniversary Token $2.00
963 The Travancore Bank Trivandrum #103 Token $1.00
964 Perryville, Wisconsin Good For 1 Glass Tap Beer Wooden (plastic) Nickel Token $1.00
966 1925 Larkin Dollar Medal BU $8.00
968 Palmolive Soap Chicago, Illinois Good For One Cake Token NICE $5.00
969 Duenweg State Bank Duenweg, Missouri Strawberry Token Good For 1 Crate $6.00
970 Dallas, Texas City Hall Token $1.00
971 California State Numismatic Association 1973 53rd Anniversary Token $2.00
972 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (Mexico 20 Centavos) $3.00
973 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (Mexico 20 Centavos) $3.00
977 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (New Zealand 5 Cents) $3.00
979 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (New Zealand 5 Cents) $3.00
981 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (New Zealand 5 Cents) $3.00
983 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (New Zealand 5 Cents) $3.00
984 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (New Zealand 5 Cents) $3.00
987 Harry S Truman US Mint Bronze Medal in OGP $3.00
988 John Wayne US Mint Bronze Medal in OGP $5.00
989 Vietnam Veterans National Bronze Medal in OGP $3.00
992 2010 Korea Money Fair Token with original Flip $3.00
993 Matchless Metal Polish Co Liverpool 1906 Token $5.00
995 Marissa, Illinois 1967 Centennial Wooden Nickel Token $1.00
996 Central States Numismatic Society 2005 Token Original AirTite $2.00
997 Central States Numismatic Society 2005 Token Original AirTite $2.00
998 Central States Numismatic Society 2005 Token Original AirTite $2.00
~~999~~ ~~Rustler Silver Gas Token $1.00~~
1000 Worldwide Bi-Metallic Collector's Club World Money Fair Encased Coin (Euro 5 Cent) $3.00

Getting Started in the World of Online Casino Gambling

I've hated where I live (Las Vegas, NV) for years but my plans to move keep getting thwarted.

trump: cyrus, christian or con?

several years back evangelicals weren't comfortable at all saying trump was a christian. before and during trump's campaign conservative evangelicals were all over the map on where they stood concerning his faith:
in 2015 dobson said,'I am very wary of Donald Trump,” Dobson said in his email, citing Trump’s business in gambling. “I would never vote for a king pin within that enterprise. Trump’s tendency to shoot from the hip and attack those with whom he disagrees would be an embarrassment to the nation if he should become our Chief Executive. I don’t really believe Trump is a conservative. Finally, I would never under any circumstance vote for Hillary Clinton'. in 2016, and to this day, dobson says on his 'family institute' website, 'If anything, this man is a baby Christian who doesn’t have a clue about how believers think, talk and act.'
in 2011 franklin graham told christianity today: ' “No question, the guy’s got a lot of baggage. He owns casinos. He’s had multiple marriages. I did not endorse him.” when trump evangelical bouncer, robert jeffress, defended trump on fox news, regarding stormy daniels' announcement she had a sexual encounter with Trump and was paid to keep quiet before the election, Jeffress explained [to] Juan Williams that evangelicals 'knew they weren’t voting for an altar boy.' eric metaxas in responding to the hollywood access video of trump, [in] an email to 'RNS [... said he] rejected the characterization that he has strongly backed Trump, saying his support “has always been tepid and tremendously qualified." [...] in addition, 'James MacDonald, pastor of the Chicago-area megachurch Harvest Bible Chapel and a member of Trump’s evangelical advisory board, also withdrew his support after the video aired, calling the candidate “letcherous and worthless.' in 2016 mike huckabee tweeted: 'Trump may be a car wreck, but at least his car is pointed in the right direction. Hillary is a drunk-driver going the wrong way on the freeway'. the family research council president, tony perkins, put his support this way: 'You know what? Nations are built on calculated risk. Yeah. You could say we’re taking a calculated risk, but we’re at a point where we have to as a nation because what we have seen in the last seven and a half years has put the nation fiscally and culturally on the edge.'
of course, we can't forget jerry falwell's endorsement as early as january of 2016: [...] “In my opinion, Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught in the great commandment,” he said. “He cannot be bought, he's not a puppet on a string like many other candidates ... who have wealthy donors as their puppet masters,” he said. “And that is a key reason why so many voters are attracted to him.” at this time there's no direct evidence, nor cohen's testimony that there was a quid pro quo for falwell's endorsement. the falwell's and trump's have been friends since 2012 when trump spoke at liberty univ. it was falwell's endorsement that opened up the evangelical base to trump and ultimately cut ted cruz out of the race. but it can't go without saying that knowing the past 4 or 5 years of both trump and the falwell's lives, the entanglement is very deep, as you will see.
so, given the lack of evangelical consensus, the lack of a solid biblical argument, and the life of trump, the location of where to put him, while retaining some evangelical dignity and avoiding hypocrisy, a charismatic evangelical named lance wallnau enters the story with his best selling book, 'God's Chaos Candidate' on oct of 2016, as well as his piece in 'charisma news', 'Why I Believe Trump Is the Prophesied President'. wallnau argued trump 'is a “modern-day Cyrus,” an ancient Persian king chosen by God to “navigate in chaos.' he even added a little numerology: trump's the 45th prez and cyrus is god's anointed in isaiah 45, so trump's anointed. makes sense right? anyway, aside from us living in a democracy, the idea grew, even to the point of netanyahu comparing him to cyrus. now many evangelicals are compare him to king cyrus.
two years have now passed and it was a month before the 2018 midterms and a movie came out called, 'the trump prophecy.' the film was a partnership between 'reelworksstudios' and (-wait for it-) liberty univ's arts program, where it attempted to make the comparison of cyrus and trump. popularity grew when fox news' jeanine pirro touted the film, along with many other radio and tv hosts . while the idea of the cyrus-trump connection is still being floated it doesn't make sense now. why? due to trump openly stating he's changed his faith. more specifically, when trump himself, a couple weeks ago became a non denominationalist, it closed the personal distance between him and jesus, it, theoretically, should bring him closer to jesus, which negated the cyrus typology, which gave him distance from jesus; that's the point of changing one's faith isn't it, to get closer to god. as that distance is now gone, as cyrus was a pagan, and trump is claiming he's a reflective christian -a genius-, having deepened his faith, how can he still be compared to a pagan king? -especially with being surrounded by evangelicals for 4 years.
over the past 40 years non denominationalists have grown over 400%, and a 1/3 of all evangelicals are nondens.. who are the nondens? they're basically the largest protestant denomination, and made up many southern baptists, with provisos.. it's unusual for a very stable genius billionaire, to self identify with nondens, but paula white has a 6,000 sq ft home, former trump faith advisor in the 1950s (check out 'the family' on netfix). so, perhaps trump is an eisenhower type, having changed his faith for political profit? if he did, one thing is certain; he can't use the cyrus connection any longer, for attempting to now makes him a public con.
trump has stated, 'i'm the chosen one.' he was joking, somewhat, but like so many of his supposed jokes, they usually appear two-sided; they're like a reverse irony found under a bulimic joke, like: “Suburban women, will you please like me? - Please. Please,” he said in PA last week. his other "jokes" we have to wait several hours or a day later to discover if it really was a joke: “When you do testing to that extent, you’re going to find more people, you’re going to find more cases,” Trump said. “So I said to my people, ‘Slow the testing down, please.’. again, '"And then I see the disinfectant, that knocks it out in a minute.. and is there a way you can do something like, by injection, inside, or almost to clean... It sounds interesting to me.' and again, 'russia, if you're listening, i hope you're able to find the 30k emails that are missing.'. these dormant jokes a day or so later are fairly common and have created lots of confusion. i bring this up 'cause trump uses religious language more than any other past presidents in a 100 years, more than twice as eisenhower, and figuring out what he's really saying regarding faith, in politics, isn't any better than his policy discussions, and some might say it's worse -- as he weaponizes/attacks it, too:

when one looks at trump's photo op at st. john's church, as the clergy and protesting faithful and others were cleared with force and gas, just moments later trump took their place on the church sidewalk, standing alone, fixated on cameras, fumbling a bible, then holding it next to his head, never praying, nor mentioning god. during that time, he said two times, 'we have the greatest country in the world,' then walked to the front steps of the church, stood with his back to the steps, as the other pics must have somehow lacked his authority, called some of his staff and bill barr to stand with him while they posed for more pics, stating twice again, ' we have the greatest country' or words to that affect. here one say that trump weaponized the church equating it to a dominating power over those who disagree with trump's edicts. it was a symbol for what constitutes christian nationalism, in my view.
pelosi and romney weren't avoided by trump:

...

“I don’t like people who use their faith as justification for doing what they know is wrong,” the president said. “Nor do I like people who say, ‘I pray for you,’ when they know that that’s not so.” Later, in front of dozens of members of Congress at his acquittal celebration at the White House, Trump singled out Pelosi and Romney by name, going further by accusing her of neither praying for him, nor praying at all. “She doesn’t pray. She may pray, but she prays for the opposite. But I doubt she prays at all,” the president said.

...

trump said of ted cruz: "but I've never seen anybody that lied as much as Ted Cruz. He goes around saying he's a Christian. I don't know. You're going to have to really have to study that. yes"
a trump tweet on cruz: 'How can Ted Cruz be and Evangelical Christian when he lies so much and is so dishonest?
trump in ohio:'[biden] will take away your guns, take away your Second Amendment. No religion, no anything.” [...]there will be no god is biden is elected', and biden 'will hurt the bible, hurt god,'
finally: Trump responded swiftly at a campaign event in South Carolina, saying: “For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful.” “No leader, especially a religious leader, has the right to question another man’s religion or faith,” he told a packed room at a golf course resort.

of course, trump's not the only person to weaponize god-talk. pastor paula white does it as well: christians will 'stand before god if they vote against trump'. of course, she's known as the most adamant evangelical that says trump is a christian. sadly, she's had her run-ins with heresy regarding the trinity, is a prosperity gospel preacher, gone off the rails publicly more than once, has been investigated by the senate, published a book in oct of 2019, that 'christiantiy today' called, disturbing, depressing, narcissistic, dishonest, materialistic, lacking self-awareness, shallow, and trumpesque. so, she's really something -- and of course she's probably trump's top spiritual adviser that works in the white house. the same failure of christian virtues can be said of jerry falwell jr, the president of one of the nation's largest christian colleges, but truly, his narrative doesn't need repeating, except the new sage of he and his wife's game of 'would you rather'.. the same also goes for pastor franklin graham, who is a xenophobe and weaponized 'opposition to President Donald Trump to “almost a demonic power”, metaxis agreed, although he didn't like the 'almost'. finally, to end our sampling, there's pastor robert jeffress statements that anti-trump 'evangelicals are morons. They are absolutely spineless morons, and they cannot admit that they were wrong.' [...] “We cannot afford to be like German Christians who, in the rise of the evil reign of Adolf Hitler, just remained neutered. They remained silent. And you saw what happened there,” Jeffress said. “I think there’s a similar wave of godlessness that is rising in our country right now, and we must push back against that tide.'
this is not an argument of guilt by association, these individuals have shown evidence of a failure to abide with the teachings of jesus and the church. their miscarriage is aligned with trump's, and perhaps more so, as they for decades have studied christianity. yet, they aren't running the country and lying daily about the covid virus as thousands die weekly; they aren't constantly attacking and damaging the usps,, mail in ballots,, the press, race, climate science, fauci, the fbi, even saying doctors are profiting off of covid deaths and inflating the dead numbers, attacking impeachment accusers, his sexual misconduct accusers, gold star families ...the list of trump attacks are almost found everywhere and everyday now.
therefore, if he's not cyrus, not a christian, is he a con? i think the evidence is abundantly clear. for much of the attacks and weaponizing of people, institutions, and things, the gop has also been silent. they are silent on race, the media, even their own institutions. i'd be something if they came out and supported him in numbers, but they don't. paul states in 1 cor: 11: Do as I do, for I am doing as Christ did. i don't see that happening much in the gop or trump's staff or trump himself, given he's the most religiously rhetorical president in over a 100 years, and that the nondens are the true believers; in fact, the evidence appears to indicate the opposite conclusion. donald trump is a con of the highest order, a chronic liar, a cheat, and devious. therefore, evangelicals should ask themselves ‘what would jesus do about this?' the answer would be, 'don't vote for trump.’

Manic Hanukkah joyride 2019. AMA

I have pretty bad bipolar, To the point where I’ve been hospitalized multiple times, and I’ve tried a slew of drugs to help but to no avail. My first actual manic episode occurred in 2011 accompanied by a god complex and believing that my car became a time machine. I would stay at random places in the city of Chicago that year, until I finally ended up back in my parents house in the suburbs which was the very last place I wanted to go after having a failed suicide attempt there prior to my mania. I have saved most of my manic episode images and videos on my hard drives these past few years in an attempt to keep myself from going off the deep end like that again, little did I know that it would not help in any sense of the word. Last year I was self medicating myself with whatever street drugs I could get my hands on to help alleviate my internal brain pains of this existence, and I had been doing it for a while so nothing really changed in that regard, however I had a brilliant idea for a new cryptocurrency and it really took off on 4chan. This token was going to break into the adult webcam tipping industry which is currently in the hands of many third party websites and they don’t even use crypto. So in this stroke of self supposed brilliance a team of incredibly talented people came into my life and helped me develop my idea further. I was broke so I had no actual money to pay these guys, however they were kind enough to accept the tokens that I made as part of their share and payment for the work they completed. Things were off to an amazing start, we had a website, and an incredible back end developer who was on an entire different level as far as his knowledge of cryptography and cryptocurrency development. As things progressed slowly I began to have these ideas of also self supposed brilliance, like being able to decipher and decode my personal subjective viewpoint of reality and also communicate to myself through this “external” self of my immediate environment outside of time/space. Simulation theory also played a big role, along with synchronicity and the phrase “there are no coincidences.” Repeated through my unbeknownst to me revving up doozy of a manic episode. It was so gradual and logic to me in those moments that I never for a chance thought that I was on my way to yet another mega minded god complex episode. As I started spiraling downward in viewpoints of many who had invested in my project, my mother eventually called the police to my apartment for a wellness check. Now I had gotten kicked out of my previous place for inviting some real shitheads to move in, in order to make my newly ex 21 year old girlfriend and my old roommate as uncomfortable as possible. Yeah she started sleeping with my roommate after I got a job...anyway, I digress. I was able to move into an amazing studio apartment using funds that I had obtained from selling a few billion of my tokens to a guy OTC. Things just seemed to magically come together for me in this manic state of mind. So the first wellness check went horribly, as when the police came I was totally naked and they had to convince me to put my clothes on upon entering my abode. It didn’t take me long to figure out I needed clothes to go outside as I was making the argument that I was doing nothing wrong being nude in my own apartment. Next thing I know it’s been 10 entire days in a psych ward. When I finally got out I was welcomed to my entire crypto project team abandoning not only myself but the project entirely. I was devastated and felt betrayed. They had put up a paragraph on the old website giving details on the situation and how they were moving forward with things and starting a new project. I kept moving at incredible speed towards the insanity cliffs that I could not see from my level viewpoint of the mental path ahead of me. To the point of running away from my apartment because I was afraid my mom would call the police on me once again. I ended up taking the metra train all the way to Wisconsin and started walking to Milwaukee from there. I had an ex girlfriend that I had hoped might take me in. I walked until my feet started disintegrating off my legs. I managed to get most of the way to Milwaukee where the police arrested me for walking on the side of the freeway. When they pulled over I was very resisting about them taking me from my PTSD psych ward good times. They ended up only keeping me in jail for the rest of the evening before releasing me into the late night fog. For some reason while I was in jail I got paranoid that those who were in with me were trying to poison me and have me locked in a cell to be killed, so immediate upon release I fled to the nearest bus bound as far north and away from that place as possible. I literally started seeing synchronicities that confirmed all of my increasingly delusional thoughts, going as far as thinking my parents were abusive to us as children and they too were joining in the hunt. I had flashes of imagery of my parents being horrible people and torturing children, and I continued my escape to self assured places of safety. One of the areas I found myself in once I exited walking for miles along some railroad tracks. I felt people trying to ambush me and trap me in this small religious residential town that seemed surrounded by a massive fence with barbed wire. At one point I took my shirt off and acted like a jogger, to where someone released their dogs leash and right onto me...his was not imagined. I ran as fast as I could into a parked boat that was half filled with rain water, and I was so scared that I had to actually dip myself all the way into that very frigid water through my pants as I literally felt hunted. I heard gunshots and voices shouting in the distance, dogs barking, I just laid there completely motionless for my life depended on it. When I finally thought the coast was clear I got out as inconspicuously as possible to which I was met with yet another thunderous brigade of voices and gunshots. I then found myself in a recycling bin before I started to sneak very low around parked cars in the driveways. I finally made it to the end of this nightmare as I could see the fence beyond a final row of houses, I waited a few minutes before finally darting at full speed to and over that barbed wire fence cutting my lower back in the process. So there I was, shirtless, bleeding from a decent sized cut in my back, down the side of a road with quite a bit of traffic, coupled with my state of mind at that time it felt very supernatural. I felt like people were staring at me from their cars and recognizing me as a being not from this world. In my mind I had thought I recognized specific entities that I was channeling information from through the akashic records. I had started posting rap style videos on TikTok, delving through a multitude of emotional ranges and topics. I had thought I was trying to wake up the entire planet to the illusion pulled into their eyes. The final experience I had upon returning south to Milwaukee took me through open fields continuing to feel like a hunted piece of game. I felt that there were other beings that joined this hunt as well, that were not human at all. So now I was trying to evade an alien species that I had thought was controlling the police from the woods of Milwaukee. I had the idea to try to mimic who I had thought these creatures looked and moved like, and I inverted my jacket to further disguise my appearance. I had thought I saw them coming out of the woods so I figured that was where the aliens nest was. It was logical for me to try my best to blend in with them, and of all places to look for me, the last place I would think they would search would be their very own nest. So I mimicked what I thought they were doing going in and out of the woods at a high speed and with veracity. I waited until all cars passed and ran full speed into the woods, and being surprised with not only very thick trees, thorns, and bushes...but a very steep declined terrain. It was very hard for me to control but I kept running through and downward to the depths of what I thought would be an alien nest hell hole. It was pitch black that night and I could barely make out anything, but after about 5 minutes of diving down this steen terrain I began to see a clearing...it was water. As I exited the tree line I walked along this seemingly endless lake that had lights out incredibly far on the horizon, I came to the conclusion that the aliens lived underwater in this lake and the lights were potentially part of their base. As I continued walking down he sliver of a shoreline among the bushes, I saw something I was not expecting...severed giraffe heads with their tongues sticking out. It was surreal. I concluded that this was a place where they studied our animals and dissected them. Upon seeing this I noticed that in the near tree line there was a break, and a very comfortable looking incline out from the pits of that hell I had stumbled into. I calmly walked up and out of there as casually as possible. The police then picked me up after I told them where I was headed and it was around Christmas, so they obliged. I had figured I passed their test and was now the alpha dog in the system of control there in Milwaukee. These scenes and experiences are as close to what I experienced in those moments as I can possibly detail, the police got me on a bus back to Chicago where I finally made it home. This of course was not the end. I had left all of my keys and a lot of clothes I had with me in the deep woods in Milwaukee, so upon arriving to my apartment I could not enter. I ended up throwing a brick into the back door window and entering finally to what I thought would be peace. The entire building I lived in was dead quiet. I had thought that my neighbors were all taken out by black ops because they had been a part of an organized crime scheme, but it was just Christmas. Even my neighbors annoying dog was gone and I assumed they had shot it as well. It is truly incredible what a completely delusional mind is capable of, and I was completely sober the entire time. Once I finally got a chance to sit for a minute and gather my highly dependable thoughts and realized I needed to go to Walmart. I was all comfortable and showered as well as wearing a super comfy ninja turtles onesie that I was planning on rocking in the store while shopping. Immediately upon exiting my apartment complex I realized that I no longer had keys and there was no way I could get to the back door without someone letting me through. I took this as a sign to once again leave my apartment and my belongings and find a safer place. The universe confirmed that I wasn’t supposed to go back home, I had no key and I locked myself out. I headed straight downtown. It was now one of the days on Hanukkah and there were Jewish people everywhere. I felt their eyes grazing me and giving me chuckles as I was wearing this giant green fleece ninja turtles onesie walking around downtown Chicago. I was wearing some old shoes at the time, but because I had convinced myself that shoes were hurting my ability to practice walking correctly for my anatomy, I ditched them in the streets. I walked up to the nearest train station and got on. When I was in the train I had noticed some printouts taped to the car walls showing a human figure above the tracks with a little electric zap near his feet. In my mind I saw this as directions someone had left me on how to finally exit the matrix. I was supposed to jump in the tracks and I would be out of this place as Neo did with landline phones. I slowly made my way to the very rear car of the train and opened the door and slinkied my way through the last safety chain keeping me from my finally found freedom from this horrible nightmare of a “reality” game. I made my way onto the tracks and hopped on top of them in my bare feet. I finally made it to the electrified elevated rail and braced myself for the incoming trip of a lifetime. I gathered all the courage I had and made the jump...nothing. Ok strange. I jumped off and made my way along the other tracks further analyzing them to make sure I had indeed jumped on the electrified track. Confused as I verified it was, I hopped along the other tracks and back towards the wooden platform. During this entire scene there were many people, mostly Jewish who were trying to convince me not to do what I was trying to do. They didn’t know I was escaping the matrix, they thought I was trying to harm myself. I pressed on. I noticed there was a space between the two directional electrified tracks where I would be able to grab one line in each hand, further securing the one way journey I was about to take. I knew that if I grabbed them palms down I wouldn’t let go. I walked to the area and braced myself for what very well nigh still be a very painful ride out. I got in my knees between the tracks and told myself there was no way I would come this far and go though all of this hell to pussy out now. I gathered all of my courage and grabbed both lines. Again I was met with nothing. Maybe I was immune to the electricity? Maybe I had already made the trip? Very confused I started waking on the tracks back towards the shouting people and the platform. Jumping on each rail one foot at a time. BOOM. It hit me before my big toe even touched one of the rails. It threw me immediately off the track and I had a brief moment of unconsciousness while in the air. I landed between the tracks and continued to make it to the platform. A jolt of intense pain shot up my foot from a now bloody big toe. This was entirely unexpected to me as the track I had gotten jolted from was the one I had tested previously with no power. Confused and a bit tingly and disoriented I limped in pain back up to the wooden platform. One of the guards asked if I was alright and I just hurried past them saying I was fine. I got down to the street and in my hazy mind was able to make out a van with its driver standing next to it open and running in the street. Taking this as a sign to move quickly I jumped into his car and shut the door while he yelled for me to not continue. I then grabbed the wheel and hit the gas. I was getting out of here. I never thought I could drive this fast. I was weaving in and out of traffic, barely missing both cars and pedestrians, while assuming the police wouldn’t be far behind. I threw the man’s phone and toll device out of the window as soon as I could. I was still wearing my coat on top of my onesie which I had failed to mention earlier, and while driving I made sure I inverted it and try to blend in to normal flowing traffic. In my stable mind I had come to the conclusion that this van had been used for unanswered trafficking and that there was dead children unseen in the cargo space. I felt like this was a mission to infiltrate this trafficking network to find out what was happening. I had to once again blend in. I drove as fast as I could for the immediate escape of the city, and upon the freeway I stayed within the laws of the road. I are it through several small towns until one seemed as if a police car had started to escort me a certain direction. I acted at first to be taking his direction until halfway through a turn I bolted he opposite direction, ensuing a chase. Many cars were then called and I was being acutely chased now and I started driving to the very ends of my physical limits of reaction time and the vans capability of speed and control. I thought I had a way out, but soon I realized I was trapped. I saw a bus parked near the casino where I had ended up and thought his might have been a drop off/pickup location for the traffickers. I stopped for a moment next to the bus and made eye contact to a very confused looking driver. I then started trying to maneuver away until I quickly ran out of road and bottomed out the delivery van. My ride was coming to an end, I had managed to take half of my onesie off while being in between pursuit so I was now half naked and being commanded by many guy wielding police officers to get out of the vehicle. Thankfully I had remembered in that moment it is very important to always show your hands to police. This detail may have saved me from being suicided by making a wrong move. I was still stuck in the car with my seatbelt on, and repeated to the officers that I was moving my hand to open the door. I opened the door and they proceeded to have me crawl on my stomach towards them scraping against sharp chunks of broken concrete along the way. I kept crawling for seemingly forever as any one of these cops or a failed movement on my part could end this moment quite disastrously. I finally was allowed to get up with their assistance and subsequent handcuffing. They sat me on a large piece of concrete and tried to cover my genital area while trying not to laugh. It was quite the site I am sure. A half naked man wearing a green onesie barefoot and bleeding from his driving toe. I was laughing with the cops and small banter was exchanged as they tried to figure out what to do with me. They asked me what was going on and I told them I know where the bodies were, and I pointed to the concrete that was laying in the area. I was convinced that all the missing children’s bodies were being disposed of via pulverizing and into our cities concrete structures and sidewalks. I didn’t say this to the officers but assumed they knew what I meant when I pointed to the concrete when they asked. I slowly got paranoid they were going to try to kill me. I was asking them questions about where they were taking me and I had thought his was finally the end. I knew too much. An ambulance arrived and I was taken to my certain death. I arrived at a hospital and they do the common questions and my paranoia is in high gear. They want to strap me into the gurney and I kept vehemently refusing. They actually respected my decision as long as I was calm. Slowly my paranoid mentality began to fade as I was logically asking myself why nurses would waste all the effort testing me physically if they were just going to kill me anyway. I was finally safe. Until they injected me with antipsychotics. I am not a fan of big pharma, but I can attest that the shots did help kick me out of my delusional mind. The side effects were horrible, but my mind was finally getting to a point where I could see my insanely delusional mind from the outside instead of through the failed system I had unintentionally built over the course of the last few months. I will never forget this experience. It was indeed life changing and PTSD inducing. I have a completely new respect for what the mind can do, and what seemingly benign and silly mental games can potentially become. I had thought I figured it out, all the while reminding myself that I hadn’t, but also feeling as I was the one who was chosen by the architect of the universe to be his speaker and teacher. I had convinced myself I was an ascended master, practicing transcendental mediation. I was teaching people on the street how to walk. That part is actually true. Balls first, your pinky toe side of your foot is supposed to make first contact, followed by your big toe ball and finally your heel. Look it up. ;) This was quite an unplanned story but I hope you enjoyed the ride and the experience as best as I could convey to to you and your incredibly complex and relatively small space between your two ears. Thank you and have an incredible rest of your vibrant and passionate existence. Remember to respect yourselves and the power you have both individually and collectively. 4444. <3

The /r/hockey Trade Deadline Game - Day 2 Thread

NOTE: This is FAKE HOCKEY. To talk about actual hockey, go to the latest Daily Discussion thread
Trade Deadline Tonight will continue TONIGHT!
The /hockey Trade Deadline Game is back for day 2! Starting today at 8:00 AM MT trading is officially open again. Trading will run until Thursday, January 30th at 6:00 PM MT.
You are not late! You can still sign up at http://www.tdgdb.com
When you are traded, change your flair on hockey-related subreddits and spend the week from January 31st through February 7th cheering for your new team.
Here are this year's reporters, the people who will ~~make things up~~ break news of trade negotiations:

But remember

NO TRADE IS OFFICIAL UNTIL POSTED IN THIS THREAD!

It's not too late to sign up to be a player The sign-up form is still active and will remain open until Wednesday night. You can find that here
For TDG-related shenanigans, go here [WARNING: some NSFW Language]
Happy trading!
coloradoavalanche receives xelrano from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives illwill18 from coloradoavalanche
Detroit receives a 3 of the Rocky Mountains, Breckenridge Brewery.
Colorado receives Windsor Ontario.
coloradoavalanche receives Muckerofbin from edmontonoilers
coloradoavalanche receives SCwinningJultz from edmontonoilers
edmontonoilers receives asswaffle420 from coloradoavalanche
edmontonoilers receives CloutWaffle from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receive a used oil derrick, straight from the prairies.
canucks receives TheOlDickTwister from detroitredwings
canucks receives SevenStringGod from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives JordanTheLobster from canucks
detroitredwings receives BlueLegs32 from canucks
Detroit receives Storm Brewery.
Vancouver receives the naming rights to Lake Superior
predators receives tonuch4963 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives TRed7894 from predators
Detroit receives Yazoo Brewery, and a choked on peanut.
Nashville receives the helmet from Robocop.
penguins receives thewinterzodiac from edmontonoilers
penguins receives nextfanatic from edmontonoilers
edmontonoilers receives DontPanic_4242 from penguins
edmontonoilers receives shirleyxx from penguins
penguins receive a barrel of the finest Albertan oil.
penguins receives StonedArcticPenguin from rangers
rangers receives ArchaicTriad from penguins
Pittsburgh Cheesesteak has been removed from the menu from Parmanti Bro's
anaheimducks receives Efficient-Sentence from winnipegjets
anaheimducks receives ItsaMe_Fish from winnipegjets
winnipegjets receives dunkan799 from anaheimducks
anaheimducks Front Office will have food delivered to the Front Office of Winnipegjets
stlouisblues receives otterHooligan from flyers
stlouisblues receives DelcoScum from flyers
stlouisblues receives agswanlek from flyers
flyers receives OtterInAustin from stlouisblues
flyers receives lawnicus18 from stlouisblues
flyers receives Rhymes_withOrange from stlouisblues
stlouisblues receives The Jacks NYB from Philadelphia in exchange for one hour alone with the Stanley Cup for Gritty.
rangers receives Asscheese124 from floridapanthers
rangers receives BearHands00 from floridapanthers
rangers receives MiamiDolphinsFan13 from floridapanthers
floridapanthers receives MentalCorruption from rangers
The New York Rangers also receive naming rights to the city of Miami, renaming it New Brooklyn, and naming rights to the Florida Keys, renaming them the Brooklyn Keys
flyers receives leadorlead from bluejackets
bluejackets receives puckcrisis11 from flyers
To bluejackets - a supply of Scrapple
To flyers - a gift card to La Crema in Hamilton
bluejackets receives NorthHighBears from coloradoavalanche
bluejackets receives RaiderGoalie from coloradoavalanche
bluejackets receives FuzzyTheKiller from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receives Highlander253 from bluejackets
coloradoavalanche receives HockeyHydralisk from bluejackets
Columbus Blue Jackets to receive a case of Marylands finest rot gut, DuClaw Brewery's Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter.
Colorado Avalanche to receive assurances that HockeyHydralisk will shitpost memes at least twice, spending more than ten minutes in GIMP and not just making text on a white background.
detroitredwings receives docksmur from bluejackets
detroitredwings receives Demonox01 from bluejackets
bluejackets receives TheFlanderer from detroitredwings
bluejackets receives InSwedenWeTrust from detroitredwings
bluejackets may dress the Spirit of Detroit in a Blue Jackets jersey for one week
detroitredwings receives the Columbus Brewing Company
flyers receives Sulfoniclol from coloradoavalanche
flyers receives doodlescout from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receives TheGlaceon78 from flyers
coloradoavalanche receives wh1zzer from flyers
Colorado Avalanche to receive the township of Cherry Hill, NJ.
canes receives sneakytinkerspirits from canes
VGK receives a single In-n-Out fry. Not even animal style. Plain.
devils receives OhneBremse_OhneLicht from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives woodbot96 from devils
sanjosesharks receives SnowyPuzzle from devils
sanjosesharks receives HopelessEsq from devils
sanjosesharks receives CTLepore from devils
hawks receives themagicman1343 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives Xenofon713 from hawks
detroitredwings receives Goose Island Brewery, but will still distribute to Chicago. hawks gets to rename 8 mile, 88 mile and a picture of Patrick Kane will be put on the sign.
hawks receives hockeyenthusiast from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives NimihseeL from hawks
Chicago will send some cold weather to the Bay Area. The Sharks will use this to host the Blackhawks in the Winter Classic.
canes receives StephDoesntCamp from flyers
flyers receives SheepLovesFinns from canes
flyers receives SarahCiv from canes
flyers receives IAMA_Dumba55_Fan from canes
canes receives the Rocky statue and promises to teach Steph how to properly appreciate Rod the Bod
dallasstars receives kethryvis from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives talkinmyface from dallasstars
sanjosesharks receives doihavetowearabra from dallasstars
Sharks receive three bags of hockey pucks.
detroitredwings receives OcelotWolf from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives swim846 from detroitredwings
sanjosesharks receives GreatCanadian_ from detroitredwings
sanjosesharks receives ts1234666 from detroitredwings
Detroit receives ownership of the Hapas Brewing Company.
newyorkislanders receives Dildo_Baggins_6969 from hawks
newyorkislanders receives bwhyte1123 from hawks
hawks receives Deathwing_Dragonlord from newyorkislanders
hawks receives commsmatt from newyorkislanders
Isles to provide Hawks with Brooklyn pie.
Hawks to provide Isles with deep dish pizza.
detroitredwings receives CutLinkOfficial from rangers
rangers receives nik_mkay from detroitredwings
/detroitredwings get Genesee Brewing Company.
/rangers get to rename Dayton, MI to New New York, MI
devils receives osoblanco234 from goldenknights
devils receives Bigcheecho from goldenknights
devils receives rubix08 from goldenknights
devils receives mmowry98 from goldenknights
devils receives CapHillFlash from goldenknights
goldenknights receives JSav7 from devils
goldenknights receives timotomat0 from devils
goldenknights receives Pastatrees from devils
goldenknights receives Palmsfan21 from devils
goldenknights receives faze_chair from devils
New Jersey Devils acquire Bryce Harper's tears
Vegas Golden Knights acquire a Nikita Gusev Jersey
devils receives Hobpobkibblebob from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives HeadHighSauce26 from devils
tampabaylightning receives diego-fuego from devils
TB receives: Louis Domingue NJ receives: some real Florida beach sand and a 12 pack of a Tampa Bay beer to be named later
canes receives Awab25 from hawks
hawks receives shadownet97 from canes
Canes will receive 1 pie from Pequod's.
leafs receives Cynova055 from bluejackets
bluejackets receives haIifax from leafs
To leafs - a signed LeBron James poster
To bluejackets - a Stan Rogers vinyl
coloradoavalanche receives ksheiny from newyorkislanders
coloradoavalanche receives zxpzflik from newyorkislanders
coloradoavalanche receives QuantumDrake from newyorkislanders
newyorkislanders receives littleneerd from coloradoavalanche
newyorkislanders receives bluestooge from coloradoavalanche
newyorkislanders receives usiakcameron from coloradoavalanche
/ColoradoAvalanche receive a cup holder stolen from the Barclays center
both teams sign a joint statement saying the Barclays Center sucks for hockey
rangers receives _RocketGrunt_ from coloradoavalanche
rangers receives stormylullabye from coloradoavalanche
rangers receives Thebush121 from coloradoavalanche
rangers receives taylorrae33 from coloradoavalanche
rangers receives camco105 from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receives MEGAMATTEOMAN from rangers
coloradoavalanche receives Robtachi from rangers
New York Rangers to receive New Mountain York.
detroitredwings receives guccigatana from newyorkislanders
newyorkislanders receives DeadWithMyFriends from detroitredwings
/NewYorkIslanders receive a girder from the old Joe Louis Arena
/DetroitRedWings receive the Southern Tier Brewing Company
tampabaylightning receives MooseKingdom from leafs
stlouisblues receives Ezflow from tampabaylightning
stlouisblues receives Bryce_Dead19 from tampabaylightning
stlouisblues receives Euroranger from stlouisblues
leafs receives Jimmers1231 from stlouisblues
leafs receives Bcakd5 from stlouisblues
bluejackets receives dylanr18 from bluejackets
bluejackets receives TheDanAplan from bluejackets
stlouisblues receives thecbjfan from bluejackets
leafs receives an official expression of gratitude from stlouisblues for Toronto's release of Tyler Bozak
hawks receives OleMissGoalie37 from coloradoavalanche
hawks receives HeelJopy from coloradoavalanche
hawks receives silentrenegade8 from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receives Bragisson from hawks
Chicago to receive Rhein Haus.
stlouisblues receives wingsfan64 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives ContrastingWords from stlouisblues
/detroitredwings receive 2 clydesdales
/stlouisblues receive 2 Fiats.
flyers receives WhoaItsAFactorial from losangeleskings
losangeleskings receives SplendaMan from flyers
losangeleskings receives crafbicycle from flyers
flyers receives a bag of Mike Richards finest nose candy
losangeleskings receives Gritty's dealer's phone number
losangeleskings receives kenlane from newyorkislanders
losangeleskings receives auniqueusername1001 from newyorkislanders
newyorkislanders receives Branzilla91 from losangeleskings
newyorkislanders receives WhyAreYouGey from losangeleskings
newyorkislanders receives trippy2219 from losangeleskings
/NewYorkIslanders receive a Pau Gasol jersey
/LosAngelesKings receive a jug of that good Brooklyn Water
flyers receives RealmoftheRedWiings from detroitredwings
flyers receives RedWingFan5 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives carp_boy from flyers
detroitredwings receives KFC_Gaming from flyers
/detroitredwings receive Yuengling Brewery
/flyers receive otters Kalee and Sparky from the Detroit Zoo
coyotes receives JimmyRadRad from tampabaylightning
coyotes receives sdubz11 from tampabaylightning
coyotes receives vinnyv91 from tampabaylightning
coyotes receives PinHill from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives bonzaijoe from coyotes
TB receives: Some desert sand from Arizona + 1 live coyote
ARI receives: Some beach sand from Florida
predators receives m4xdc from coloradoavalanche
coloradoavalanche receives Forny008 from predators
Colorado Avalanche to receive Carrie "Carrie Underwood" Fisher at one home game.
Nashville Predators to receive two free Chevrolet Avalanches to smash as they see fit during the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
stlouisblues receives christinaann6 from penguins
penguins receives a promise that u/professorwhat won't make another edgy joke on stream
losangeleskings receives PhelpsTheory from canes
losangeleskings receives AStelthyNinja from canes
canes receives LABoston from losangeleskings
In addition, CAR receives a dozen Randy's donuts and a taco truck. LAK receives one storm surge wavier.
coloradoavalanche receives YouGot2BeKiddingMe from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives feedfatso1607 from coloradoavalanche
tampabaylightning receives Leumas_lheir from coloradoavalanche
tampabaylightning receives putinsukraine from coloradoavalanche
tampabaylightning receives stubborn11 from coloradoavalanche
COL receives: A jar of lightning that can be controlled and used to kill enemies
TB receives: An avalanche machine that trigger an avalanche wherever I want, once
bluejackets receives Something_319 from stlouisblues
bluejackets receives Euroranger from stlouisblues
stlouisblues receives TheDanAplan from bluejackets
stlouisblues receives dylanr18 from bluejackets
stlouisblues receives the entire The Drew Carey Show on Blu-Ray.
bluejackets receive the body of General William T. Sherman. At last reunited with Grant, acquired in an earlier trade, Ohio's great God-Kings shall be reinterred beneath Nationwide Arena, henceforth to watch over this city, this state, and this hockey team in eternal glory.
sabres receives TheConeOfShame805 from penguins
penguins receives NumberJ5 from sabres
sabres receives the Monongahela River and a grilled cheese sandwhich that the Penguins promise is actually a Philly cheesesteak
penguins also gives NumberJ5 his own personal bidet
goldenknights receives needuhlife19 from detroitredwings
goldenknights receives D3troiit from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives cookbacondrunknaked from goldenknights
/detroitredwings receive Ellis Island Hotel Casino &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; Brewery.
/goldenknights receive Tom Selleck's mustache
bluejackets receives Sh1eldbearer from detroitredwings
goldenknights receives RCX42 from bluejackets
Vegas acquires some Lake Effect from Columbus to help pond hockey in the desert
tampabaylightning receives bay_sports from sanjosesharks
tampabaylightning receives DontSayNoToPills from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives bonzaijoe from tampabaylightning
sanjosesharks receives XanoJester from tampabaylightning
devils receives Troub313 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives Flowseidon9 from devils
detroitredwings receives corso923 from devils
/detroitredwings receive the Anheuser-Busch facility located in Newark.
sanjosesharks receives adam3vergreen from bluejackets
bluejackets receives sjs48 from sanjosesharks
bluejackets receives eggs-dee123 from sanjosesharks
caps receives brycer16 from flyers
caps receives AgelessWonder67 from flyers
caps receives FlackBox from flyers
flyers receives koalabear9301 from caps
flyers receives NotShibs from caps
flyers receives _Ghost8_ from caps
Philadelphia sends Jeff Francoeur to DC.
habs receives MOLightningBro from tampabaylightning
habs receives RandomBoltsFan from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives Davel_Patsyuk from habs
tampabaylightning receives christiv7 from habs
tampabaylightning receives Lander-V from habs
MTL receives: A meeting with the Yakuza
TB receives: The best poutine Quebec has to offer
habs receives spyingformontreal from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives Notopdelta from habs
/detroitredwings receive Molson Coors Brewing Company.
/Habs receive an unreleased Eminem mixtape
devils receives hnglmkrnglbrry from bluejackets
bluejackets receives summervacationtoHoth from devils
bluejackets receives Danny_Devitos_Bitch from devils
bluejackets receives kingofthediamond from devils
bluejackets receives 4Bars_BlackFlag from devils
bluejackets receives Cyrus_Voltaire from devils
bluejackets receives Future Considerations and Snookie from devils
bluejackets acknowledges and endorses the Devils' famous Christmas Whites as the best in the Tri-State Area.
habs receives Angry_Walnut from goldenknights
goldenknights receives Instantcurry from habs
goldenknights receives killerb54 from habs
Vegas acquires Paccioretty's C
Montreal acquires Paccioretty's A
flyers receives JakeTheSnake0709 from edmontonoilers
edmontonoilers receives NippleDickPussyBhole from flyers
flyers receives the Walterdale Bridge EdmontonOilers receive the opportunity to lick the Liberty Bell
caps receives Xenofon713 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives NKilmer6 from caps
/detroitredwings receive a bag of prison booze from The Central Detention Facility
sanjosesharks receives Softestpoop from edmontonoilers
edmontonoilers receives infamousgenitals from sanjosesharks
edmontonoilers receives thegreatmomo14 from sanjosesharks
penguins receives ProjectPsion from bluejackets
penguins receives TheStigofKentucky from bluejackets
penguins receives Zebra_dan from bluejackets
bluejackets receives PenguinPride87 from penguins
bluejackets receives knucklepuck17 from penguins
bluejackets admits the Pirates will win another title before the Browns will
caps receives thatgoodmojo from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives Xenofon713 from caps
/detroitredwings will be holding a press conference soon to honor Xenofon713 for coming back home...for good this time.
flyers receives safetide from losangeleskings
losangeleskings receives cdl5060 from flyers
flyers also receives a meeting with Snoop Dogg to explain what otters are to him
sanjosesharks receives plantedgreenfern from caps
sanjosesharks receives Roust_McGoust from caps
sanjosesharks receives SaxIsMyAxe1_ from caps
sanjosesharks receives Fireball827 from caps
sanjosesharks receives hokierange from caps
caps receives Sainthops from sanjosesharks
caps receives pachicola from sanjosesharks
caps receives bunnymcfoo from sanjosesharks
caps receives SurprisedCarlos from sanjosesharks
winnipegjets receives NarcoticTurkey from habs
habs receives finnishjetter from winnipegjets
Habs receive protection from finnishjetter sabotaging our hockey survivor plans for 2020
winnipegjets receives Spitfyre434 from sanjosesharks
winnipegjets receives lackingspoon from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives TrueNorthStrong1898 from winnipegjets
The Winnipeg Jets officially acknowledge that Northern California is better than Southern California.
winnipegjets receives Fixmy59bug from goldenknights
winnipegjets receives Hektorpascal from goldenknights
goldenknights receives biga204 from winnipegjets
goldenknights receives Kudgar from winnipegjets
stlouisblues receives Whydoesthisexist15 from canes
stlouisblues receives gene_scallop from canes
stlouisblues receives waltstrika from canes
stlouisblues receives canesfan556 from canes
stlouisblues receives fogger794 from canes
canes receives PM_Me_Things_Yo_Like from stlouisblues
canes receives TechDawg20 from stlouisblues
canes receives JazzPolice13 from stlouisblues
canes receives M_Shepard_89 from stlouisblues
canes receives jsmu2016 from stlouisblues
canes receives a buffet tray of T-Ravs, stlouisblues receives the Section 328 Podcast.
canucks receives DeathToHeretics from caps
hawks receives ainzooalg0wn from caps
caps receives thelaineranger from canucks
hawks receives jlennox__ from canucks
caps receives younggun92 from hawks
caps receives jamaicancovfefe from hawks
To Chicago: A pizza from We The Pizza (Toppings to be decided at a later date)
To DeathToHeretics: A Chicago Dog and Chicago Deep Dish Pizza to be taken with him to Vancouver
canucks receives ChronicBitRot from hawks
canucks receives ThirdTimesAnAlt from hawks
canucks receives SpeedyDolphin42 from hawks
hawks receives mephnick from canucks
winnipegjets receives darnfox from detroitredwings
winnipegjets receives akschreibs from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives PuckTheFreds from winnipegjets
/detroitredwings receive Half Pints Brewing Co.
/winnipegjets receive lockers from Joe Louis Arena, to be used as the overhead compartments
canucks receives jmorga33 from bluejackets
bluejackets receives offline_dude19 from canucks
canucks receives a bag of pucks from bluejackets , and promises to take them down to Seattle and use them to break Starbucks windows
losangeleskings receives sweetstrife from bluejackets
bluejackets receives Mootux from losangeleskings
bluejackets receives im_turning_into_moss from losangeleskings
bluejackets receives Bhelliom from losangeleskings
bluejackets receives Boii1209 from losangeleskings
bluejackets receives WorldRallyBlues from losangeleskings
The Rainbow Bar and Grill moved to Columbus. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame moved to Los Angeles. Harvey Weinstein lifetime banned from entering Ohio.
/sabres receives Mercpool87 from /penguins
/sabres receives DL757 from /penguins
/sabres receives armagev17 from /penguins
/penguins receives shadowzeak from /sabres
/penguins receives Uncle_Gazpacho from /sabres
penguins receives the city of Buffalo, and the Buffalo Bisons u/armagev17 receives a full NTC
hawks receives spicy-succ from newyorkislanders
hawks receives PracticallyCanadian7 from newyorkislanders
newyorkislanders receives IAmQueensBlvd31 from hawks
/NewYorkIslanders receive courtiebabe420's old Jay Cutler jersey
/Hawks receive TheBossJarhead's old John Tavares jersey
penguins receives cgreen727 from coyotes
coyotes receives BoBandy35 from penguins
coyotes receives TheStigofKentucky from penguins
coyotes receives brendan0305 from penguins
coyotes get Phil Kessel's old house for u/bonzaijoe
penguins get an old Phil Kessel hotdog wrapper for u/armagev17
coloradoavalanche receives Freaaak55 from sanjosesharks
sanjosesharks receives SlipperyInNet from coloradoavalanche
goldenknights receives AnAngryAnimal from wildhockey
goldenknights receives CommanderCorndog from wildhockey
wildhockey receives moosepile from goldenknights
Minnesota sends Mild hot sauce to Vegas. Vegas issues a written apology for having done it to GMCF so hard in the expansion draft
flyers receives pelliffe11 from devils
devils receives MrMeSeeds from flyers
Flyers also receive Apple Watch to log "fitness"
canucks receives thronelol from caps
canucks receives mataleon07 from caps
canucks receives camelCaseNoob from caps
caps receives IGotThisFromEbay from canucks
caps receives Crazymoney74 from canucks
caps receives spacppl from canucks
caps receives flyingsub from canucks
caps receives BraqAttack from canucks
bluejackets receives FewWatermelonlesson7 from wildhockey
wildhockey receives AntiPrince from bluejackets
Minnesota admits that they are not, in fact, Canadian. The Blue Jackets admit that the Cleveland Indians ownership is dumb and stupid.
goldenknights receives svartkonst from dallasstars
goldenknights receives scoutcjustice from dallasstars
goldenknights receives FuckItHaveAnUpvote from dallasstars
dallasstars receives Sumdood88 from goldenknights
And a promise to get Drokeep out of Philly
detroitredwings receives quantumking_ from wildhockey
detroitredwings receives Zushenko from wildhockey
wildhockey receives Detonation from detroitredwings
DET acquires: Burning Brothers Brewery
MIN acquires: 5 lbs of mackinac fudge
sabres receives TurtleWithATail from canucks
sabres receives MirandaGemini from canucks
canucks receives KEWLCactus from sabres
Vancouver receives both the American and Canadian sides of Niagara Falls.
Buffalo receives 2000 lbs of salmon (wild) and the rights to Seattle as a rival.
losangeleskings receives wyattgbert from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives Arelfel from losangeleskings
/detroitredwings receive Angel City Brewery
/losangeleskings receive a random parking lot attendant
penguins receives Dragarien from detroitredwings
penguins receives drock21023 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives byfugWIN from penguins
/detroitredwings receive Croakers Brewing
/penguins receive an old concession stand from Joe Louis Arena
detroitredwings receives Gamogi from edmontonoilers
detroitredwings receives LLbnjt99 from edmontonoilers
detroitredwings receives rdayrien from edmontonoilers
detroitredwings receives saltydingus from edmontonoilers
edmontonoilers receives Ohgodwhatisthisidont from detroitredwings
edmontonoilers receives iFuktUrMom from detroitredwings
edmontonoilers receives BylerTertuzzi from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives the Alley Kat Brewing Company.
habs receives NontransferableApe from bluejackets
bluejackets receives Toaster_Coaster from habs
bluejackets receives gryff_ from habs
hawks receives BoltsGoalieGirl from tampabaylightning
hawks receives DoinWhale from tampabaylightning
hawks receives xW52 from tampabaylightning
hawks receives KatWantsToBattle from tampabaylightning
hawks receives J_Mark13 from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives GRAIN_DIV_20 from hawks
tampabaylightning receives drmatt19 from hawks
tampabaylightning receives freezend from hawks
tampabaylightning receives burtsreynoldswrap from hawks
tampabaylightning receives keister_TM from hawks
TB receives: The best Chicago deep dish pizza for the staff + a shipment of Old Style
CHI receives: The best Cuban subs for the staff + a shipment of Yuengling
dallasstars receives Drokeep from flyers
flyers receives Sumdood88 from dallasstars
goldenknights agrees to renounce all present and future claims to Bryce Harper
dallasstars recieves Chance the Gila Monster from Vegas
tampabaylightning receives CluelessNuggetOfGold from detroitredwings
tampabaylightning receives canbehazardous from detroitredwings
tampabaylightning receives DarkRitNighthawk from detroitredwings
tampabaylightning receives SlenderSpenser from detroitredwings
tampabaylightning receives Datsyuk1998 from detroitredwings
detroitredwings receives westofvenus from tampabaylightning
detroitredwings receives SuperSniper4 from tampabaylightning
detroitredwings receives deeyaz from tampabaylightning
/detroitredwings receives Cigar City Brewing
/tampabaylightning receies a C8 Corvette in blue and a case of Vernors
goldenknights receives obelisk29 from tampabaylightning
goldenknights receives cm17cm17 from tampabaylightning
goldenknights receives MrTubzy from tampabaylightning
goldenknights receives justincase_2008 from tampabaylightning
goldenknights receives lorenzovonmaterhorn from tampabaylightning
tampabaylightning receives GhostlyPixel from goldenknights
tampabaylightning receives Hollywood_Zro from goldenknights
tampabaylightning receives WoomyNgyes from goldenknights
tampabaylightning receives Byers346 from goldenknights
tampabaylightning receives KelaSaar from goldenknights
TB receives: Tickets to a Vegas show to be named later
VGK receives: Future Considerations

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OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5